The Enlightened /ɪnˈlʌɪt(ə)nd/ (noun): A group of people who religiously practice yoga, and whose enlightenment through the practice turns inwards and into semi-delusion as to their “goodness”.
Synonyms: Yoga wanker, the author
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The Enlightened are a fun bunch. They’re the ones calling themselves "yogis" and talking loudly in the organics store about how much they…
They say that if you’re friends with someone for more than seven years, you’ll be friends with that person for a lifetime. I say that whoever came up with that quip hadn’t factored in ‘travel experiences’ as a variable.
A solid chunk of my friendship circles are made up of people I met in high…
It’s dark outside, and I’ve found myself bent over a toilet seat with a hand on my bum and a foot in my face. Grunting softly, my companion pushes harder on my exposed posterior – the Band-Aid just won’t stay put. Meanwhile, our other accomplice is gingerly bandaging up her ankle, inspecting for any signs…
She’s young, pretty and bored.
She fake tans and applies makeup. Cleans her room and makes her bed. She changes out of her brother’s old T-shirt she wears as pyjamas and into a new dress, clicking away at the iPhone screen.
She slides back into the daggy tee, swipes through 284 photos, marks her favourites…
Looking down at my feet, I have to keep reminding myself I’m wearing takeaway boxes as shoes. I curl my toes as I feel the heat from the tarmac penetrating the not-so-durable cardboard that protects my feet. I never thought I would find myself in the middle of an airport clad in such footwear, in…
I am part Indonesian, part German; in other words, I am Eurasian.
I grew up in Singapore, living there for most of my life. I walked the same streets every other day, met the same friends out by the park and ate the same food at hawker centres as cravings hit. I became familiar and…
I realised recently that I had spent a large proportion of my young adult life as a fuckwit.
Let me define a fuckwit:
Someone who keeps a religious count of how many “chicks” they’ve pulled and uses this number to gain social status. Someone who refers to going out with their male friends exclusively as…
“Oh, pardon madame… pardon monsieur,” I repeated as I bumped through the crowd of people contemplating the camembert selection.
I was anticipating accusatory glares. Adrenalin was pumping through my body. The threat of a sudden need for negotiation in a language I didn’t fully have a grasp on loomed over my heart, and my shopping…
You’ve finally done it; after what seems like years of post-rave early morning, kick-on conversations, half-drunkenly promising each other that you’ll always be friends and that “of course we’ll travel the world together”, the supposed trip of a lifetime has actually fallen into place. You and your friends, by some fucking miracle, have managed to…
Another week, another group of young Australians in blackface. It’s a regular enough occurrence for the outrage to be dulled; it’s not going to go viral, a panel of white people won’t discuss it on Sunrise. There’s a certain fatigue for this sort of dickhead behaviour: fury is replaced by disbelief that these guys could…
An eager young cop kits up, does his hair, knocks back a not-so-fresh brewed café latte from 7/11 and trots off to Tokyo Station, where a day full of adventure and enforcing law awaits him. By 3pm, however, he’s completed his fifth lap of the Imperial Palace gardens. His only dose of action saw him…
“I’m gonna fuck so many Fratties on exchange,” read the caption of my Instagram update.
It was the night of my going away. I was set for a semester abroad in the rural precinct of the Southern Bible Belt of western North Carolina, USA. I’d heard about all the sex you have on exchange. Those…